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wolfkahn



Joined: 21 Mar 2007
Posts: 3
Location: Illinois

PostPosted: Thu May 10, 2007 6:00 pm    Post subject: Interesting Reply with quote

This was a very interesting story, I could easily visualize the scenes, which is always a plus.
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Tobor



Joined: 10 Feb 2007
Posts: 10
Location: Wisconsin, USA

PostPosted: Fri May 18, 2007 3:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I liked it too.
If I had to whine about anything, it would be the ending. It's pretty much cliché in that, when all is lost, the hero saves the day (or universe), which is a pity, as Foster had a potentially great ending in the works with her introduction of God into the story.
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precinctomega



Joined: 24 May 2007
Posts: 18

PostPosted: Thu May 24, 2007 2:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The concept of magic rendered as science is a good one and I like the scenes we had. The question mark over whether it was real of just a joint trip could have been emphasized a little more, I thought. But my main complaint is the basis of the premise:

If the universe (the whole universe!) is ending, then the regularity of 32,000 years loses some persuasiveness (even if that was just an approximation). Time works differently at the macroscopic level of the entire universe, so determining the next instance from the terran perspective should have been a mammoth task in itself (measuring distant light, calculating the volume of the universe and its four dimensional shape etc). And that's before we get to the question of how come saving the universe comes down to five junkies and a computer?

What about distant races? Is there a reason it has to be done on Earth? We touch briefly upon the dinosaurs, stomping out some primitive "fix", but I just don't feel that. That aspect lost my suspension of disbelief.

Characterisation was good, but hurried. More time spent on who the characters were and how they came to be there, doing that thing, would have been better. It's implied that Raize is a precog but never specifed, but what the heck is Bomb there for, other than to switch on the stasis field?

In short, I felt it was a good start, but was probably about a thousand words or so too short and that the author was too economical with her characterisation. I'd like to read it again with the missing thousand words. I think it would be much better.

R.

P.S. Hi, I'm new. I might be sending in some of my stuff for people to pick apart, too.
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