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The Black Orophant by Daniel Braum

 
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darkerma
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Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 56

PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2007 7:56 pm    Post subject: The Black Orophant by Daniel Braum Reply with quote

What did you think of this story?
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precinctomega



Joined: 24 May 2007
Posts: 18

PostPosted: Sat Jun 02, 2007 7:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A tricky one, this.

On principle, I don't like the anthropomorphisation of animals, even in Disney movies. I can't say that it was especially well handled here, although it certainly wasn't ballsed-up and the author was clearly trying to walk a line between making the dialogue and internal monologue both clear to a human reader and appropriately "elephant-like".

To that extent, I also don't much like the premise of an animal kingdom rising up to fight alongside a near-extinct humanity.

However, having said all the things I don't like about the author's premise, I do think it was well-written, with good pace and sufficient length to give the story moral depth (which is an important trick in this genre).

If there was one thing that, as an editor, I would tell Daniel to go back and re-do, it is the exposition by Azilba. The whole "humanity driven to the brink of extinction by an alien invasion before saving itself by the skin of its teeth with a time-shifting city" splurge comes out in a total rush. It would have been more satisfying to run the "what happened to humanity?" thread as a parallel story to that of Edu and the Black Orophant.

It was, however, a good read and - I thought - had the potential to string itself out over something more novel-sized. Not my cup of tea, I'd be the first to admit (what with the whole anthropomorphisation thing I have going on), but I'm sure that there would be a market for it out there.

R.
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keithlightwaver
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 23, 2008 9:52 am    Post subject: no suaspended disbelief Reply with quote

An interesting idea but overall I found it poorly handled. The writing was also confusing at points.

Quite frankly I can not suspend my disbelief when it comes to animals having languages and human type consciousness. It was just too much like a children's story for me. Rolling Eyes
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